From Struggle to Surrender - A Journey of Grace
Have you ever gathered the courage to ask God to see His heart and experience a deeper revelation of Himself, only to find that His response completely upended your world and challenged your faith?
In the spring of 2016, on Easter Sunday, I prayed a prayer that came from the absolute depths of my soul: “Please God, show me Your heart.” It was a cry for intimacy, a genuine longing to know the Father more deeply. But the answer I received wasn’t a gentle, comforting whisper. Instead, I was given a heavy, heart-shattering vision regarding my oldest daughter, Kristen.
For two long months, my life became a battlefield of the soul. I struggled with God. I argued, I cried, and I pleaded. My prayers weren’t neat or polished; they were wordless groans — “groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:26) — rising from a distressed heart.
If you are in that silent space of struggle right now, I want you to know two things: You are not alone, and your struggle is not a sign of absent faith.
The Purpose in the Proximity
When we look at the biblical Hannah, we see a woman whose soul was in deep bitterness as she wept before the Lord. Her pain was so profound that no words came out—only her lips moved. To onlookers, she looked out of place, perhaps even crazy. But God doesn’t look at the outward appearance; He saw her heart in its distress.
Struggling through your faith requires a unique kind of proximity. You cannot struggle through something with someone who is far away. When you are fighting through your fears, your doubts, and your heartaches, you are actually closer to Him than you realize. The two months I spent in that intense struggle weren’t meant to destroy my faith; they were the Refiner’s fire required to strip away my illusion of control.
The Sweetness of Surrender
The breakthrough didn’t come because the storm stopped. The breakthrough came when I finally stopped fighting the vision and chose to commit my daughter entirely into His care.
Jesus proved Himself to be so much more than a Savior; He became my absolute source of strength and peace in the midst of a raging storm. When we finally let go, we discover that the soil of God’s marvelous love is deep enough to hold us, no matter how strong the storm.
Your trial is not the end of your story. When we hand our broken pieces to the Father, He repurposes our private, heartbreaking moments into testimonies of hope and light.
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a basket. Instead, they set it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Mat 5:14-16)
He can do the same with your brokenness. Stop fighting the hands that hold you. Surrender the weight, step into His perfect peace, and let Him show you His heart.
*The storm was only the beginning. Continue the journey: [The Journey of Surrender: Moving From the Struggle into Perfect Peace]
