Because She Believed - A Story of Faith and Hope
During the thirty-plus minute drive from our home to the hospital, frantic calls and texts came in from Kim. “Please hurry, please hurry.” She had been with Kristen when the accident happened and had rushed to the hospital to be with her friend. Now, she was trying to wish us there faster. The urgency in her voice added to the oppressive weight of the moment. But the steadfast grace of our Father’s love sustained us.
Our prayers turned to Kim, knowing she carried the burden of witnessing the accident, as well as the heaviness of waiting for us to arrive at the hospital. She had not had all the good breaks in life, and that realization had always moved Kristen to be there for her. Our prayers would need to be there for her now. Our God is the only one who can make broken things whole again, and we were all resting in His hands.
God’s peace filled me, and I prayed that it would overflow to Julie, Kristen’s sister Grace, and Brooke. My hope was not in the doctors or the immediate outcome of their efforts; my hope was solidly on the promises of the One who had walked with me through every storm of my life… the One who had walked with Kristen from her very first hour.
When we arrived at the hospital, I dropped Julie and the girls at the E.R. entrance and went to park the car. I pulled into an open spot and turned off the engine. When I stepped out of the car, my eyes were immediately drawn to the trees that lined the street. I stood there for a moment and reflected on the beauty of God’s creation. As it had been in my youth, His creation remained a powerful testimony to me of our Creator. The awe and wonder I experienced as a kid had been a wonderful foreword to the rest of His story in my life.
The quiet resolve of my trust in Him calmed my spirit as I walked back toward the E.R. The serenity in that moment rose above the noise of my emotions. A sense of hope and purpose carried me forward. Approaching the doors to the E.R., I stopped for a moment to pray. My prayer was for strength and peace for us all as we waited for news of Kristen’s condition and for me as I waited for God’s final answer to my Easter prayer.
When I entered the E.R., Julie was holding a bag of Kristen’s belongings. Someone had handed them to her after she had acknowledged that she was Kristen’s mother. Kristen’s friends, Kim and Rob, were there also. They approached me to say they were so sorry for what had happened. The surreal nature of the moment fostered a heightened awareness of the physical expression of emotion from those around me. Their words didn’t matter as much as the love and concern in their voice and the fragility expressed in their body language. Their brokenness for Kristen was a testimony that their words could never have expressed.
As we were looking through the contents of the bag, a member of the hospital staff approached to escort us to the surgical waiting room. Julie inquired, “Can you tell us what our daughter’s injuries are? Are they serious?” Our escort gave us a neutral response. “All we know is that she has internal injuries and has been taken into surgery.”
We were guided to a private surgical waiting room and given a small slip of paper that contained Kristen’s O.R. designation. All communication would come through the phone provided in the waiting room. A number was posted near the phone, along with instructions concerning how to reach a nurse in the O.R. After a couple of minutes to gather our thoughts and to say a quick prayer, Julie called the number.
She spoke briefly to a nurse who confirmed that surgery had begun. The mother in Julie pressed for answers, “What is wrong with her? What is the surgery addressing?” The nurse gave few details other than stating that there were significant internal injuries with internal bleeding and that they were having trouble keeping her blood pressure up. Julie then asked, “What does that mean in terms of her…?” Julie’s voice trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. The nurse said, “It means it’s very serious.”
My former work as an organ donation community educator equipped me to recognize the weight of our current situation, but my mind was clouded by my emotions as a mother. I couldn’t process what the nurse was telling me. It was as if I were watching the scene play out with other people involved.
My main concerns were how much pain Kristen was feeling and if someone had comforted her. I wondered if she was scared or in shock. I wondered if she had cried out for me, cried out for her mom, and I wasn’t there.
– Julie
After Julie hung up the phone, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “I wish I was there with her to comfort her in her pain…so she didn’t feel alone.” I took her hand in mine and whispered, “I know, babe. But He is there with her. He has never left her side. I am sure she feels His love washing over her and His Spirit confirming with her spirit that she is His child.”
Later, Kristen’s friend Rob would tell us that there had been a nurse at the scene who quickly came over to help. Rob and another young man (who contacted us later) said the nurse had calmed Kristen and told her of her own daughter named Kristen. Months later, police investigators told us that no one else, including the paramedics, recalled seeing or speaking to this nurse. Was she an angel sent by God to comfort Kristen? If not, then we hope to find her some day and thank her.
-Julie
I reminded Julie of the time when I was eighteen and was stuck on a high voltage tower for over forty minutes. As I hung there, upside down, with my foot wedged in a small notch between two beams and the current surging through me, I prayed for God to forgive me for anything I had done wrong. I did not know the gospel of the New Testament or the distinctions between God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. What I did know of God was the glory of His creation and the faithfulness of His presence that had been with me since I was a child. Even though I didn’t know His name, He comforted me on that tower. As I cried out in agony from the searing pain of my burning flesh, His peace poured over me. He said, “Do not worry. I am with you… you will be okay!” I reminded Julie, “The God of comfort who was with me then is the same God who is with Kristen now.”
Julie turned and motioned for the others who were waiting to come closer. She stated that it wasn’t looking good and then shared with them what the nurse had told us.
As we sat there a moment in silence, absorbing the news, we wondered aloud how the accident had happened. How did Kristen end up in front of that vehicle? Her friends described the incident as well as they could. They had all been attempting to cross both lanes of traffic when it appeared she had held up to let traffic pass. They said, she appeared to trip or stumble forward and was struck by a small SUV. She landed a short distance from where the impact occurred and cried out as she tried to stand. Rob and another young man tried to calm her and keep her still until an off-duty nurse approached. The nurse stayed with Kristen and kept her calm until the paramedics arrived.
The faith that had sustained me did not prevent the heartache as I heard of her pain and wondered what she had been thinking in those moments. I know our God is faithful and He was with her through it all, but my heart as her father was breaking. My mind flashed back to my prayer, when I had asked to see God’s heart regarding the death of His Son because of sin. God’s gentle voice whispered to me now, “Not only my Son, but every son and daughter dies because of the sin in this world. The question is, ‘Will good or evil come from those deaths? Will their life be a testimony of My love to the world, or will their life be an example of the hopelessness of a world enslaved by sin?’”
I praise God that Kristen’s life was one that can be a testimony of God’s love. Her heart had softened to hear His call when she was nine years old. When we discussed her baptism, she had asked if she could wait until our reunion in Hawaii with her birth mother and sister. A couple months after she asked Jesus to be her Lord, I had the privilege to baptize her at Waikiki Beach in Hawaii.
Anywhere the Spirit of the Lord is, there is peace, there is hope, and there is joy. The work of the Spirit is not that which relies on our circumstances but that which transforms our circumstances. The Spirit of the Lord transcends the limits of the flesh and allows us to embrace the unlimited spiritual resources found in Him. In the moments of trial and of heavy hearts, we are lifted on the currents of His transforming grace. We can’t see Him as He is moving, but He is always working all things together for our good if we allow it. If we choose to respond to the trials of life in our own strength and wisdom, we risk missing the grace He has prepared for us.
As we waited for word from the medical staff, I reflected on the words that God had spoken to me over the weeks leading up to this moment. Then I was reminded of the words I had spoken to Him. Every time I left the house, I told Him I was committing everything I had to His care. He seemed to be asking if I had meant those words. He was asking if I truly trusted Kristen to His care. During those weeks, as I struggled to release Kristen to Him, I was comforted by the powerful truth that He has loved her and cared for her from her very first hour. He was not going to stop now.
As we prayed and waited, my thoughts drifted back to our first days with Kristen as a tiny, 16-month-old baby who had come to us from her little island home. The memories lifted my heart and calmed my spirit. The weight of our current circumstances receded as I recalled the evening we were preparing to travel from South Carolina to meet our new daughter. We would soon start our journey to a small island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. As we waited for nightfall and our futile attempts to sleep, we received word from our adoption agency that things were not going well with the approvals and there might be a delay. At the scheduled time to call back to finalize our go/no-go decision, all phone lines to the island were down.
Julie and I chose to remove ourselves from the decision and trust God to lead us. We each sought the Lord’s heart on the matter and came back together to see where He would lead us. In unison, we said, “Go.” This has always been our way. God is not a God of confusion. If it is His will, He will lead us in unity.
Several layovers and a couple days later, we stepped off the plane and crossed the runway in Majuro, Marshall Islands. As we walked toward the small, open-air terminal, we saw our adoption representative, waving from the fence overlooking the runway.
She met us in the lobby, welcomed us to the Marshall Islands, and then asked if we wanted to see our new baby girl. I quickly responded, “Yes, which of the two children we were matched with did you decide was best for us?”
She answered, “Neither of them worked out; this is a child you have no information about. Would you like to meet her?” We smiled at each other and embraced the gentle touch of God in that moment. We had peace. There was no fear regarding this change in plans. This was, and had always been, a walk of faith.
We walked out of the terminal with the adoption representative and crossed the one lane road. There, sitting on the rocks overlooking the lagoon, was our new daughter… her birth mother, sisters, and extended relatives. It is difficult to express the overwhelming emotions that we felt at that moment: the joy of the new life that was joining our family, mixed with the sorrow for her family as they were preparing to let her go. They wanted to give her a better chance at a healthy life with more opportunities. She was malnourished and had been ill with respiratory infections most of her young life.
We enjoyed our time with Kristen’s birth family in their world and thanked God for His unchanging grace for all of us. We told them we did not view the adoption as them giving us their child but that we were extending their family. We expressed our desire to keep the relationships open if they were okay with it. We wanted our new daughter to know her birth family as she grew up and to be able to contact them as she felt led. She would never have to choose between her two families. God blessed us as we were becoming one extended family… and Kristen was our bond.
As my thoughts again returned to the present, we prayed and waited for an update from the operating room. With the news of the seriousness of her injuries, we decided to contact friends and family to ask them to pray and petition the Father on Kristen’s behalf. It always amazes us how small this world really is. As a result of adopting our girls from two different Pacific island nations and our work with international missions, we had friends from many parts of the world. In this time of need, that perspective brought comfort as we considered how big and yet how intimate our God is.
After quite some time, a nurse came out and told us the doctors had been able to stop most of the bleeding. Unfortunately, as the bleeding subsided, they had found a tear on the back of her heart, where one of the main supporting arteries was attached. Her heart wasn’t able to function on its own. With a quiet resignation, she said, “It isn’t looking good. We have called in a heart surgeon to assist.”
Julie and I held hands as we absorbed the news. Kristen’s cardiologist had just cleared her the previous summer after years of painful heart palpitations. Her heart had been damaged as a child when she had mono and scarlet fever at the same time. It was poignant that her heart was again at the center of her struggle.
Julie and I reflected on the week we had spent on her island after we adopted her. The tiny island only had one flight in and out per week, so there was no quick way to get help if it was needed. Kristen had been sick for most of her short life. At 16 months, she had already had bronchitis six times and was currently battling the early stages of pneumonia. We acquired whatever medicine was available from their small clinic and prayed that her health would hold out until the plane returned. We knew that modern medicine in Hawaii didn’t hold the assurance of health, but at least we would have access to emergency services if needed.
I had to leave Julie and Kristen at the hotel so I could finish the paperwork for Kristen to travel and enter the United States. Julie was distraught that she couldn’t do any more to help Kristen, and I was not there for support. It was difficult as a husband and new father to leave them at the hotel alone. But God has reminded me many times over the years, “That is what faith is for!”
Julie went to the lobby of the small hotel to pick up some water because the water from the faucet was not safe to drink. The front desk clerk looked up our information so he could add the water and a couple of snacks to the bill for our room. In a friendly, making-conversation tone, the clerk asked, “Where is Irmo, South Carolina?”
Before she could answer, Julie heard a gasp from a lady standing nearby. The lady said, “Irmo? You’re from Irmo, South Carolina?” It turned out that she and her husband had recently come from visiting their son who lived in, you guessed it, Irmo, South Carolina. They were traveling through the area by boat to offer free medical care to the people in the outer islands. It turned out that their boat had broken down and they were stuck on the island until a part arrived. So Kristen had her personal physician, and Julie had companions to keep her company as I ran around the island trying to get all the paperwork finished.
Now God could have sent a doctor from anywhere to help with Kristen, but He sent a doctor who had just visited our hometown. That is the intimacy of our Father. That is the intimacy of His care for Kristen from her very first day with us. That was a fingerprint of God on our baby.
As we sat there in the hospital waiting room, we knew God was still working all things together for her good… regardless of the outcome of the surgeon’s efforts.
